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Old 10-27-2012, 08:32 PM
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kboz2112 kboz2112 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: St. Louis, MO, USA
Posts: 10

Originally Posted by Helo View Post
I really wish I had an answer that made any sense.

For me personally, it was sort of an epiphany that happened and it clicked that someone I loved loving someone else did not mean they were unhappy with me. It also helps greatly that I personally am poly so the concept of loving multiple people without finding one of them lacking isnt very strange.

What also helped was my feeling that monogamy is very possessive; your partner's love is YOURS and he/she is only allowed to give it to you without betraying you. YOU are the only one allowed to make your partner happy and if you dont fulfill their every need and want, too bad for them.

There was also the concept of taking happiness from their happiness; if I have a partner that is happy, that's a good thing. If being with someone else in addition to me makes them happy, why be upset about that? My seeing them be happy makes me happy as well because I love them and I want to see them happy.

Additionally, if you truly are just not necessary anymore and your partner feels that you aren't giving him/her what they need, they'd likely just dump you or start cheating on you if they didn't just freeze you out romantically. If someone is still romantically engaged with you and honest about their desires with other people, that's not a bad sign for you at all.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. Logically, everything you say makes sense. But on an emotional level, it is going to be a huge change in thinking for me. I hope I am up to the challenge of changing my feelings about this.

And to be honest, the thought of exploring sexually is intriguing to me. Maybe I will get to a place where I can expand my boundaries in the future. But I've got to get comfortable with the whole concept first, and I think I also need to learn to be more secure with myself and within our marriage before any of that is remotely possible.
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