[Cleo]

bumping this because after a couple of months of not dating, C is back in the game so to speak and going on a date tomorrow.
4 months have passed since the last time I posted about this, and our relationship has grown and developed.. in a couple of weeks, he's coming to spend the night at my house when my husband is also at home, he offered me to have a key to his house, we had some great weekends together.

I am just so, so anxious about this. We talked on the phone tonight and I asked him to call me tomorrow at as specific time. I'm ashamed I had to ask for this, but I knew I had to, otherwise I would have been a wreck all day tomorrow. But of course that fact in itself is something I'm ashamed of.

I said this on another thread... I am just so scared of the shift in dynamic that will happen when he meets someone. Right now I'm his primary partner, I really don't need to stay his primary, I guess I just want reassurance that I'll remain important to him.. in some way... which is an assurance I know is impossible to give..

Moments like this make me wonder if I can do it, I had such a hard time when my husband started dating his first serious GF, I'm doing ok with that now, but of course the fact that I now have a pretty serious and stable relationship with C also means I'm even more afraid of losing him. The more deep and loving relationships you have, the more possibilities for heartbreak...

All irrational thoughts born out of lack of self esteem.

sorry about this post am just rambling and really anxious and needed to vent a little...