Everyone has given good responses. I read thru the posts and had the same gut reaction. The only thing I have to add is this:
If you decide to leave, understand that in reality things will probably not be as hard as they are right now. I was in a relationship for 8 years that was abusive. In my gut I knew it, but I said the same things you say in your posts, e.g. "day to day things are "fine", he treats me well, generally", etc. and in the following sentence of yours, the subtle "basically" leads me to believe that your needs are not actually being met. Think about that.
Originally Posted by Kaylee
1) The important thing to me, in any relationship, is that my needs are being met. Even if the "rules" are uneven, my major needs have been met in the relationship, basically.
It seems like you know this in your gut...
Once you are out of an abusive relationship the skies clear up, everything is easier, not harder!
I look at my current relationship and become freaked out because of how smoothly it runs - it was only a little over a year ago when I felt that something like this was only fiction.
Listen to yourself - you know better than anyone what it is you NEED, once you identify that, fight for it.