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Old 10-27-2012, 06:49 PM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 278

Originally Posted by MusicalRose
There are some mono/poly combinations that work.

The key is that sometimes a person can be monogamous and not necessarily need their partner to be. They may be open to their partner being polyamorous/polysexual, but just aren't particularly interested in finding others themselves.

It is definitely important to figure out which of those you are.
I'd still classify that as a non-monogamous relationship; you're either allowing extraneous partners or your not. I agree that it CAN work, but by and large its somewhat like drunken lawn darts; it sounds feasible but rarely works out in a positive way. Usually because one person gets upset because they're in a relationship format that they are unhappy with and they may be able to endure like that for a while, years even, but eventually they'll get to a point where they cant stand it anymore and things tend to come crashing down.

Originally Posted by kboz2112 View Post
Hi. Sorry to jump in on this thread, but I am going through the same thing with my wife. She wants to open our marriage, and I am really struggling with the idea. What Helo said really struck a chord within me. I have basically been beating myself up with this very question. Am I not good enough sexually? Is she bored with me but doesn't want to hurt our children by leaving? Are my idiosyncrasies too much? What did I do? Or conversely, what didn't I do?

So I am very interested in what you're getting at here. How does one get over this feeling that "I am just not good enough?"
I really wish I had an answer that made any sense.

For me personally, it was sort of an epiphany that happened and it clicked that someone I loved loving someone else did not mean they were unhappy with me. It also helps greatly that I personally am poly so the concept of loving multiple people without finding one of them lacking isnt very strange.

What also helped was my feeling that monogamy is very possessive; your partner's love is YOURS and he/she is only allowed to give it to you without betraying you. YOU are the only one allowed to make your partner happy and if you dont fulfill their every need and want, too bad for them.

There was also the concept of taking happiness from their happiness; if I have a partner that is happy, that's a good thing. If being with someone else in addition to me makes them happy, why be upset about that? My seeing them be happy makes me happy as well because I love them and I want to see them happy.

Additionally, if you truly are just not necessary anymore and your partner feels that you aren't giving him/her what they need, they'd likely just dump you or start cheating on you if they didn't just freeze you out romantically. If someone is still romantically engaged with you and honest about their desires with other people, that's not a bad sign for you at all.
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