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Old 12-18-2009, 12:33 AM
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rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350

You've all said a lot of what I was thinking, (I hate reading the first post and getting excited to give an answer and then seeing such intelligent answers already posted.) I wanna be smart too.

Anyway, here's my two bits.

Originally Posted by glowinthedarkstars
It must seem like I am very big on labeling by the sound of my posts, I'm not really...I'm just struggling to understand something new and where I fit within it, in the scheme of things.
This makes me think of when I was studying music. You need to learn the rules to know how to break them. I think labels are similar. When you're first coming out and exploring all the different options there are, (gay, straight, queer, poly, trans, a-sexual, pan-sexual, mono).... Oh my goodness! It helps to have a label to have something to identify with and to find similar people. Once it all becomes old hat, the label starts to matter less and you're just comfortable being YOU.

Originally Posted by glowinthedarkstars
I read somewhere online, never to "try out" being poly for someone if you're not poly.
So, to answer your original question, I never even considered the notion of poly before I knew what it was. I was strictly monogamous until I was 30. I associated anything other than that with cheating and bad. And I wasn't a bad person, I strove to be everything good that was ever expected of me.


I hooked up with a guy who explained what poly was and I stuck my heels in the ground saying, "I could NEVER cheat on anyone. I could NEVER be with more than one person".

As soon as I saw it in a different light, it suddenly felt like I'd slipped into a glove that was made for me! I started to see the potential for more love, communication, exploration, and respect.

I didn't "try out" poly for him, but I did try it out because of him.

My best advice is if you have a gut feeling that what you're doing is to please your man, keep him, not rock the boat, be something you think you should be, etc.... then it's worth taking a closer look at.

If you were introduced to it and just really aren't sure and need to explore more, then here's your opportunity. You may discover you prefer monogamy, and heck, you may discover 10 years from now that poly really works for you. It's all ok. Just be true to yourself.

It's hard to do that at 20. I remember knowing quite a bit about myself then, I just didn't have the life experience for some of it....

My heart is too big to fit into one person.
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