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Old 12-18-2009, 12:18 AM
glowinthedarkstars glowinthedarkstars is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Somewhere under the rainbow
Posts: 156

Originally Posted by crisare View Post
That doesn't play for me. That's like telling someone they can't try a new food unless they know they're going to like it and eat it. IN that case, it pretty much encourages people to NOT try it.

Now, from the standpoint that people aren't food , you don't want to enter into a poly relationship with someone and wind up hurting them badly because you discover that poly isn't for you (or getting hurt yourself, which is also a possibility). I'd say a better guideline is that if you're not sure and wanting to explore poly, then be HONEST and up front with potential partners. (Which is always a good idea anyway.) I certainly wouldn't have a problem with a man who said to me "I think I want to do this - I think I want to be involved in this type of relationship with you, but honestly I'm scared and nervous and I'm not sure how it will work out or if I'm able to do this." I'd be willing to explore it more with him and take it slow ... and we could agree that if it wasn't for him, we could end the romantic bf/gf part of the relationship w/out anger and w/out destroying our friendship.

And really, isn't that how all relationships work? Even if you're a mono girl meeting a mono guy, you don't go into a relationship already knowing what's going to happen. There are no guarantees ... you just have to do the best you can being as honest as you can with everyone involved.
Very true. That is exactly what I told P....Im not sure this is for me but id like to give it a shot because I like you and i'm willing to learn about this lifestyle...that i'm open to it.

After P met me he started hooking up / sort of dating, two other girls.. .since then hes come to the conclusion that he no longer wants to date younger girls who arent sure of what they want. because most girls say "im open to poly" when they really arent.

on the one hand I can understand his frustration, but on the other hand, I I was in that same place, and still am in a way. I like being with him, and would hate to think he wouldnt want to be with me because I am not 100% certain I am poly!

Not to sound concieted, but i think ive put a lot into our relationship simply by even accepting, learning and being open to polyamory, learning to deal with the challenges of jealousy, the other girls ect. having only been in one romantic relationship before this one (so practically no experience!) its a big deal!

I like what I've got going for me, but if im honest with myself I can say I don't really know what else is out there, what I could or should get from a relationship, what I want ect. I am happy. Its all super confusing. Labels and life style changes, but P is worth it to me, and I have already learned so much about myself, and I am continuing to do so.
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