Originally Posted by glowinthedarkstars
I read somewhere online, never to "try out" being poly for someoneone if your not poly. This really through me for a loop. Here I am 100% new to the idea of polyamory, how am I expected to know what I "am"? Is it unfair that I shouldnt be able to pursue a relationship with a poly man i adore, simply because I dont know exactly how to define myself? I think so.
That doesn't play for me. That's like telling someone they can't try a new food unless they know they're going to like it and eat it. IN that case, it pretty much encourages people to NOT try it.
Now, from the standpoint that people aren't food
, you don't want to enter into a poly relationship with someone and wind up hurting them badly because you discover that poly isn't for you (or getting hurt yourself, which is also a possibility). I'd say a better guideline is that if you're not sure and wanting to explore poly, then be HONEST and up front with potential partners. (Which is always a good idea anyway.) I certainly wouldn't have a problem with a man who said to me "I think I want to do this - I think I want to be involved in this type of relationship with you, but honestly I'm scared and nervous and I'm not sure how it will work out or if I'm able to do this." I'd be willing to explore it more with him and take it slow ... and we could agree that if it wasn't for him, we could end the romantic bf/gf part of the relationship w/out anger and w/out destroying our friendship.
And really, isn't that how all relationships work? Even if you're a mono girl meeting a mono guy, you don't go into a relationship already knowing what's going to happen. There are no guarantees ... you just have to do the best you can being as honest as you can with everyone involved.