Moving forward, and Meeting new people
So I'm chatting with a couple ladies I found on the poly/bi/gay friendly dating site.
They both know I'm not really looking for a partner right now, but that I'm looking for friendship. For someone I can hang out in the gay community with that won't feel strange when we are out.
Both of the women I am talking to have things in there lives that I can relate to. Both are Married, and bisexual. One has had girlfriends with the approval of her husband. She's not dating anyone right now, and at some point I think she would like to find someone again. We don't live very close, but are looking to meet up for some lesbian parties/get-to-gethers at some point, First though I'd like to meet for coffee or lunch, but our work schedules are very different.
She is a day walker. lol She works a typical 8a-5p shift, and I'm more night owlish. I work the midnight shift, and get home around 7am. So it'll be a weekend hang out thing.
The other lady works from home, but she lives farther away, and we are just chatting though the dateing site, not yet moved to email, or facebook yet. We are not yet talking about anything super personal, she seems a lot more shy, so I don't know how the dynamic with her husband is, or if she KNOWS she's bi or just THINKS she is. I'm not in a place where I can be a third to a couple. I'm not looking for a man, and the whole OPP from Airyn. I may not be looking to actually date, but I'd like friends with woman I could consider potential partners.
Either way it feels good to be making friends that I know understand. I've not really looked at this part of me for a long time. I've been with Airyn since High school, and figured out my interest in woman isn't felt by other woman in my 20's. So This has been very supressed. I never expected to have an opportunity to express this. Having had a mostly failed attempt with Chipmunk, as sad as that has made me, It leaves me wanting more. Can't put the cat back in the bag once it's tasted freedom, so to speak.
Airyn's been really good about this. Really he set me up with the first woman I openly flirted with. It was an online only long-distance relationship (she lives in Alaska, and I'm in Texas). She and I still had lots of fun. Web cam, dressing up, and talking naughty to each other. He's given me advice these last couple years for picking up woman. I've never actually taken the advice, but it was offered. Like I said I never really expected to get this opportunity. We considered something more serious with Alaska, but Airyn wasn't comfortable with Alaska's lack of interest in guys, and was not SURE how he'd feel being excluded (at that time).
Airyn has told me that this poly adventure was more for me then for himself. That Chipmunk was so interested in me when we meet, and so unsure of him. He fully expected that he'd have to work really hard to be even a cursory part of this relationship. He thinks that if our positions were reversed, and Chipmunk couldn't be as intimate with him as with me that he would be ok with it. He says that he doesn't know for sure since this isn't how things went, but either way he never set out for just him and Chipmunk to be dating, for this relationship to be him with a girlfriend, and me struggling.
Airyn believes that a time will come when I have a girlfriend and he won't, and he's pretty positive that he will be ok with that. He say that he wasn't sure about this till Chipmunk and I started going out on our own, and taking time together without him joining us. The first time he was uncomfortable, but as long as he has a heads up even just an hour or two, he's found he kinda likes it. He doesn't feel like he's losing time with me, but that he'll be helping me be who I have always been.
We talked about a lot, and I asked him about sharing our chat with Chipmunk, he told me he had already done that. lol, I had no idea, but I'm kinda glad. We had a good day out together today, and I had no idea she had read our chat. It was a nice stress free morning and afternoon. They had a thing on campus, and while they were taking care of that I was at the library with my computer. So I ordered Chipmunk's b-day gift, something I had pickout for her before we broke up. When they were done we left took Chipmunk to visit with her mom and get her birth certificate. While she was visiting her mom Airyn and I are talking about being hungry, so I suggest that we stop at a little German resturant for lunch. Chipmuck hasn't been, and her family is of German descent, Airyn and I have been there, and enjoyed it. Airyn likes the idea, and says that we shouldn't tell her were we are going, just that we will stop to eat, and that it's kinda an early b-day thing.
So Halloween shopping, lunch, then home for a bit. I re-dye Chipmunk's hair, and head out to pick up Wolf from her after school activity. Wolf is having a better week, and is bubbly with the excitement of practicing for her part in the fall/winter play. I get to bed later then I would have liked, but we all had a good day, I could tell Chipmunk was less stressed, and Airyn was glad to see me feeling better. That night Airyn ferries Chipmunk to a late night work meeting, and we talk some more. In the end I tell him that The break up sadness would probably be easier in this situation if Chipmunk and I didn't care so much for each other. He agrees that that could be part of why I'm struggling to get past this, then he kisses me and says he'll leave me be so I can try to get some more sleep.
I can see his sadness, and the strain the lack of time for us is causing for him too. He's sad that we've had so little time alone this week, and are looking at a long busy family packed weekend with no aloone time for us or for him and Chipmunk. It will be fun none-the-less.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married