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Old 10-25-2012, 11:03 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

I understand he'd feel loss, but to punish you for it is not loving. It's also not healthy to resent you when the situation has become untenable (you did say you are fighting every couple of days) if he won't step back to focus on the foundation of his relationship with you. Or at the very least to focus on figuring out himself before acting on anything.

Besides, I suggested a 3 month sexual interaction hiatus to work on things, not an eternity. Is three months without sexting and making out with Sarah worth risking years of a relationship with you, and bulldozing over your feelings? If so, I would even more strong urge him to pull back and get a bit more of an objective view about what is going on with everybody. I find it telling if you skipped over considering that as an option, perhaps you have other things that you were unhappy about that you hadn't really thought about until now?

This is what you said about Mike and Sarah
"They had had fights for years about various things, but focused on raising the children and getting by day-by-day, instead of really digging down and solving the roots of their problems as they came up (as so many of us do). Mike was afraid of conflict - because in his experience it lead to abandonment. And Sarah was afraid of conflict - because in her family it lead to divorce. "

Do you think that if you put your name and John's name in there instead with different reasonings to explain why, you would find that you also had not really dug down and worked on the roots of your problems? I'd reckon that because of the scope and repetition of your fights about the same thing over and over again, that the answer would be yes.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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