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Old 10-25-2012, 09:42 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 390

Originally Posted by Chaga View Post

So I guess Iím just looking for advice on letting go of that internalized cultural programming. How do I speak to my heart and feel supportive and loving of her (and myself) exploring new loves?
Recognize that this is your own internal issue, and don't project it onto to Tara. Give her the freedom to conduct her other relationships in her own way, on her own terms. Trust that if Mark turns out to be a douchebag, Tara will figure that out and send him on his way.

Originally Posted by Chaga View Post

One thing that crossed my mind was that Iíd sort of like to meet Mark. I think if I thought of him as a real, dynamic, multifaceted person that I got along with it might help me relax around this some. Would it be reasonable to want to meet my partnerís perspective partners? Anyone have experience with that, or is it sort of possessive and uncouth?
Well, a lot of a poly people do have a rule that a prospective new partner has to meet everyone before the relationships starts. That's often an important requirement when there are kids involved. It certainly can help metamours feel comfortable with each other.

It seems like that sort of rule usually applies most strongly in cases where there is a primary couple (or some other committed poly configuration) who have been together a long time. There is an established primary relationship or household which must be "protected" from "outsiders."

As a single person, I'm a bit leery of dating anyone if I would have to meet their boyfriend/girlfriend immediately, before I even have the chance to see if I click with the person I might want to date. I would be very uncomfortable with that.

You've only been with Tara for, what, six months? Yeah, I'm sorry to say, it comes across as a bit "possessive and uncouth" that you feel the need to put your stamp of approval on her new guy.

Your feelings are totally normal. Don't get me wrong--your feelings are understandable. But I think this is a case where you just need to sit on your feelings and let Tara go about her business as usual.
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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