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Old 10-25-2012, 09:24 PM
Silkanie Silkanie is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 15

I've been actively part of internet communities for over a decade now, and I've seen more than a few potential friendships hurt by people being rude. To bring everyone reading this up to pace on my relationship situation. I have been in a relationship with one of my partners for seven years, it has been a long distance relationship as we complete our educations and build our way towards eachother, starting out as pen pals and writers and roleplayers. Over those years we each had a specific friend that we came to rely on for emotional support and advice. One point during our relationship a few years back, when our relationship was still open he began to have feelings for the friend he relied on, the sort of just friends sex they were having took on something more. I didn't feel it was right to insist he abandon his friend even though he said he would for me but they either had to separate and stop (as he admitted that he couldn't resist the temptation when they were together but wouldn't choose that over me as I'd been there so long), I also attribute a fair degree of importance to the people who take care of those I love. I was jealous of this friend and angry but at the same time I wanted to be affectionate to them for all the help they had been. The result is that I first became polyamorous after many long and emotional conversations with both of who I will refer to as 'the boys' and my own close friend over here who suggested that polyamory was a solution that the problem was 'roughly' solved.

Over the next year I became mostly celebate as the newest addition of our family was in some ways nervous about 'care free' but 'safe' sex during the long periods of separation and with the hard English economic times and increases in tuition here at my own school in Arizona (as I am currently an engineering student), the times between our personal contact has grown and the hard work and moving in of the both of them made contact harder. I started to rely on my own close friend more and eventually my rather excessive sexual desires got the best of me and with consent of my partners again I went of intending to have some fun that ended disastrously and then found myself on the couch of my close friend and eventually cuddling in my room as they comforted me through some of the emotional problems that resulted.

Later that night we had sex for the first time and in some ways that disaster was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Over the next few months it became apparent to me that I couldn't not have feelings for someone who had been so supportive of me for so long but I didn't want to leave the boys either, I loved them both in spite of the problems we had/have run aground of. At that point our family grew to be four two here, two there. Everything was wonderful and we were and are making progress, there's no question in my mind that we can and will eventually make it.

I however have some fairly serious emotional baggage from an abusive childhood and bear many emotional scars from the constant scrutiny of people who look at me like an alien when I try to proudly bring up the life I lead and 'Yena as I will refer to my girlfriend is teaching English in Spain for a year as she has wanted to for many years like her parents did before her. Once again I am alone and my insecurities frequently rear their heads without someone to lean on. My family out of concern for my emotional health, wants me to find new friends I can talk to about things, and the LGBTQ and other groups around here treat polyamory as swinging or sleeping around, while that's the last thing I want to do any more.

Right now there's a relationship problem where I have trouble keeping in touch with one of the boys as he's seldom on his computer any more as he just goes to bed with exhaustion after his work and seldom gets on before and if he does I'm worn out and asleep. However I have trouble expressing myself to him without him feeling like he's not good enough. The other boy, who was my original boyfriend has 'moved away from' the sorts of writing and hobbies we used to share and it undermines my security to feel like we don't do anything together, and then 'yena is overwhelmed by her own work as a teacher. I don't personally know how to handle my present emotional starvation productively and I don't know how to bring up the issue productively...
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