I really don't get someone's heart breaking over not being able to be sexual with somebody, only if you are forced to cut them out of your life, so I guess that just makes no sense to me, and I read it as emotional blackmail on his end.
I'd certainly look for somebody under your insurance. Nycindie posted some good resources
just yesterday. It sounds like your husband could benefit from some solo counseling too, as he's certainly had time to think about what he wants or needs, and I imagine it's worrisome and tiring that he does not have any clue, and that he won't trust you with the feelings he does have. Makes me think solo appointments might cut through things quicker.