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Old 10-25-2012, 04:53 PM
Lydia1 Lydia1 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 28

Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Ok, I just wanted to address this. Obviously you know that if you ask them to just be friends, they will of still have feelings for each other, so I don't think asking them to give up physical interaction is ...well it's not really going to "hurt them" They may be sexually frustrated, they may long for more, but I am not sure why you think this would break his heart, or even why you think you'd lose Sarah's friendship, since she seems to have been willing all along to put the sexual aspect on the back burner in order to preserve the happiness of other people. It sounds like both of you have a passive aggressive aspect going on with the relationships you have with your husbands (as most people do) and both of you have bent over backwards for them.
In past conversations with John, he has indicated that if their romantic relationship ended (which has nothing to do with their feelings, just how they are allowed to interact), it would be so painful for him that he might not be able to be a part of Sarah's life in any way. Now, that might just be a passing feeling that he had at the time. Maybe it wouldn't turn out that way. But it does seem that John not getting to have a romantic relationship with Sarah of some kind would break his heart.

I agree that a break of some kind would probably be helpful for both married couples. But understandibly, it's complicated.

Certainly stop offering things to him/them that they haven't asked for too, I agree about what GG says about sexting, and feel the same about offering to leave the house so they could have alone time.
Actually, I didn't just offer those things up. John has lobbied me consistantly for sexting to be allowed, and has pressed me to ensure that they got alone time whenever Sarah came to our place.

Don't know if I missed this - did you guy choose a poly friendly or LBGT friendly counselor? I'd have somebody else lined up in case your next visit to the therapist is just as useless.
We found a therapy place nearby that has a lot of "Sex Therapists" and list polyamory as a specialty. The only problem is that they're not in-network for our insurance. That's not make-or-break, but money is finite, and if we can pay a $25 copay a session instead of $120 a session, that would be preferred. Of course, if we can't find a therapist that can meet our needs at $25, our marriage is worth the higher rate. I think we'll give this therepist another try (we have an appointment for next Wednesday), since the first session is always an information-dump, bringing the therapist up to speed. We asked her what she thought about polyamory, and she said she's pretty open minded, but she doesn't have any direct experience with it. Obviously, we're not technically polyamorous, but like I said before, I don't want a therapist who simply thinks that polyamory is wrong and any hints of it are our major problem.

Last edited by Lydia1; 10-25-2012 at 04:55 PM.
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