Problem is, this is the 2nd time she has gravitated towards someone where I have a weird competitive thing with, that I knew before her, that I have worked for in the past, etc. Some guys I feel ok with, some I don't. We have talked about boundaries and "rules". But if she is really in to someone that cares about her and treats her well, and I say no, she may sneak around behind my back(which she has done, regretfully).
Jeez. That's not cool. Why lie? Aren't there enough people in the world without picking people you work for? Sheesh.
If you make agreements and she's breaking them, how is she taking care of her current partner (you) and creating an emotionally safe space so you can be ok with her dating other people?
Nobody likes to be put through the wringer. Certainly not put there by someone who is supposed to love and care for you.
What is that all about?
I am sorry you are going through this. But this is not loving or considerate behavior.