Hrm. I'm sensing some vocabulary used in ways I don't use them. Just to calibrate so we're both talking about the same thing... here's a list of open relationship models
That could be a talking tool also when talking to John and Sarah to see WHAT kind of model you each are all talking about here.
I guess I thought - what are the things I can live with. What are the concessions I can make, and be okay with, so that John and Sarah at least have something. But there has to be some level of exclusivity for me. I hoped it didn't have to be all or nothing, for their sakes. :-/
Now you sound like you are willing to compromise if you are guaranteed an open relationship model where you are the primary and secondary is Sarah. That is not monogamy.
I'd suggest spending some time with that open relationship models definitions thing and figuring out what you feel best with FIRST -- before even offering to go places with them. Do not offer things YOU cannot deliver. But learning more and getting more information won't hurt.
If after studying the lingo it is still monogamy for you -- stick with it. You have every right to want YOUR relationship to come in the shape you feel good in. There is NOTHING wrong with monogamy.
It is sad if things do not line up, but breaking up is not the end of the world. You can have a good split and still be friends if this is what everyone wants.
The main issue seems to be communication break down stuff happening here. People not knowing their wants, needs, and limits and articulating them in a clear way. It's good that the three at least are still willing to talk things out and sort it all out! (I have no idea what Mike will do but that's on Sarah and Mike to sort out for themselves. You have enough problems trying to sort out the parts that pertain to you!)
I just worried if it was completely applicable considering that we won't be truely-polyamorous.
Well, no article is perfect. It's just to help as a talking tool so everyone can be looking at something that is the SAME something. It is much harder to be staring at a blank piece of paper. There are other articles that may or may not be useful in those links I put up there. You could try to see what harvestable nuggets there may be.
This "truly polaymorous" thing is confusing to me. I do not know how you mean that. I think you might mean you are not a TRIAD? Where all three people are lovers with each other?
Whether Sarah and John's relationship has been consummated or not -- they want to be in a romantic relationship of some sort. John would be the shared Sweetie in that case. That makes him the "hinge" person in the "V" shape polyamorous configuration. You and Sarah would be metamours.
Could consider if "vocab snafu" is possibly adding another layer to the confusion problem in communication with your people. You guys may want to look over a glossary t
o make sure when you talk together, you are on the same page using the same words to mean the same things and not accidentally misunderstanding vocab use.
To me you are not "monogamous" if you swing. You are in an open relationship model. It is a primary-secondary thing of a swinging style configuration. You may very well be monoamorous (only loving your spouse) and having casual recreational making out/sex on the side. But the relationship is NOT monogamous because well... you have soft swapping or hard swapping things going on somewhere in there. It is not closed or exclusive to just the spouse.
Hang in there!