Second part. Again, sorry it's soooo long!
I don't want to give up on us because what we have has always been fantastic despite the rough patches that are inevitable since no relationship is ever perfect. I believe in working on problems if the love still exists and so far I still feel it from both of us. I just wonder sometimes if he expected us to be perfect and now that it isn't, he's throwing out all sorts of conflicting excuses as a way of trying to break me so that I'll leave like all of the others and he won't have to deal with confrontation. Confrontation seems to be one of his biggest fears.
I am very proud of the strides I've made in accepting a lifestyle I've come to respect. It's not an overnight change for me but because I love him, it's important for me to not deny him his polyamory. I want to get to the point where I'm completely okay with it and be able to meet the other women in his life because I believe I can. I just want it to be ethical for everyone involved and sometimes I worry he doesn't understand that.
Here are my questions:
Was I wrong for reacting the way I did in that first fight?
Does it seem like he's using poly as a cover for wanting to have as many relationships as possible sans the guilt? In my darkest moments, I've felt that way but the pessimist in me can be very strong and deceitful so I'm not sure if it's just making things up because I've been betrayed so much in my life. I've been prone to self-fulfilling prophecies as a result of negative thinking and it's something I've worked very hard to change in myself.
Am I giving myself false hope by believing we can get back to where we were and maybe come out stronger?