There has not been a moment when I knew either way. I was raised and learned from a ripe early age to be mono. I attended a Catholic school from k-8 grade. I always crushed hard as youngin and beyond. But I was mostly faithful to whoever I was seeing through misery and bliss.
As I am new to all of this, I am not fully comfortable calling myself poly. I think of it as an exploration. I am exploring connections with people and getting to know myself and my partner in a much closer, open way.
I have often questioned am I just one way, is it all black and white? Are my beliefs important enough to me not to change them? Am I willing to shift? What will it mean for my future for my partner? What will my family say?
What I am learning is it does not matter the label I put on it or what others think. All that matters is what does and doesn't work for me and my partner.
I often think about what I would be like without societal influences at every turn, how would I view beauty? How would I view myself? What would be truly important to me?
Anyhow, I'm rambling, but I have never "just known". I'm still figuring it out. But I do like what I am finding