Closing in on Today: Part 2
So Back to Tuesday. I'm unhappy, and stressed, and this is stressing out Airyn and Chipmunk. We still go out to try to have a good time for Wolf's mid school week birthday stuff, and things end up being disappointing. Airyn warns me that it won't go well, and says he's going to go for a photography walk and will be back later. Chipmunk, Wolf and I decide to try anyway. We get home really late for my work schedule, and are disappointed that Airyn was right. I tell Airyn that we should have just stayed home and gone for a walk with him. I'm even more stressed then before, and not feeling able to sleep, but call it a night as I have about 6 hours before work.
Airyn and Chipmunk have a stressfilled evening after I go off to bed. They talk about the situation, and about her spending time with family this weekend. She is saying that she is changing her schedule to spend Saturday with her mom. This is a continuation of a conversation from Monday that caused a long silence from Chipmunk. Airyn tells her that he's just selfish, that when she has a day off he wants to be able to see her, to spend time with her. That it's ok that she wants to spend time with her mom, he's just sad that she'll likly be gone all Saturday. This cheers her up. But still they have ineffective communication. Where they are talking and she doesn't like hearing his opnions and will stop speaking to him for hours at a time, and not come back to what caused her to be upset.
All of these event cause a lot of stress between them, they go to bed late, and have a disconnect for the third time about sex, and emotions. He's wanting to cuddle, and lose himself with someone he loves, to forget about what has caused him stress, and remind himself that what's important is the person he's with. She's telling him she stressed, and not in any way shape or form up for sex. That to her he's just using her for that release. He's telling her that it's never just sex, just fucking for him. That his emotions are always engaged, and that that can not be turned off. So they fall asleep, upset, frusterated. An hour later she is waking him up interested in sex, and he's even more upset. (I'm hearing these things from them after the fact) He's feeling like what was the difference between now and an hour ago, and is says forget this and rolls over to go back to sleep.
We spend the morning going to school, Airyn unhappy, and uncommunicative, Chipmunk unhappy, and not wanting to talk. I can tell that something happened, but am not given a chance just yet to find out what. After class, Airyn goes to bed. I follow him telling Chipmuck I'm check on Airyn and will be right back. I'm asking if he's ok, and what's wrong. He's saying it's nothing that he's just tired, and is going to take a nap. I tell him I'm here when he wants to talk, give him kisses and go back to the kitchen. I tell Chipmunk that Airyn is going to take a nap. A few mins later she heads in there to talk to him for a minute, and comes right back out. I'm on my PC reading these forums. She tells me about the disconnect, and says she wants to go talk to him. She saying that she would like to make things better, but not sure if talking to him will help. I think about it for a moment, and tell her that it sounds like they really need to talk and work this out between them. I wish her luck in making things better. She heads off and closes them in the bedroom.
I'm messing around reading forums it's really quiet in the house. I can't hear them talking or even the drone of conversation, but I do hear what to my ears sounds like his belt buckle coming off, and dropping to the floor. This freaks me out some what. I'm telling myself that no he wouldn't do that to me, that he wouldn't close up in the bedroom with me in the next room and have sex with his girl friend, leaving me out and not informing me before hand. But another voice in my head is telling me that he's left me out before. I'm so uncomfortable that I decide to get out. So I go sit on the kitchen porch, with my back to the kitchen window. I leave the Big door open, but close the screen. This greatly reduce any sounds that might be forth coming, and puts me where I can be seen immediately.
After a while I decide to check out a dating site that I've read about on these forums. I'm not sure what I will do, but decide that I can make an account and at least check it out and see if it's the kind of place I will feel comfortable meeting people. So I make a login, and start answering questions.
Chipmunk comes out and I ask if things went well, she kinda shrugs and says it'll be ok. So we talk about non-emotional, non-relationship stuff. Just generally being friendly, and even joking around some. Airyn comes out, and Chipmunk goes inside to make food and coffee. It's obvious that she's avoiding him, or maybe just giving him space to vent with me. It amounts to the same thing. Airyn and I are outside talking, and Chipmuck is in the kitchen makeing food stuffs and coffee.
So I hear what happened after they went to bed from Airyn's point of view. I express my understand of what he wanted with Chipmunk. I tell him that she is just young, and does not have that kind of experiance with sex. That if he doesn't talk to her about it she will never understand where he is coming from. Airyn reminds me that this is not the first time they have had this same disconnect, and he expresses his extreme upset, and frusteration over it. He's telling me things I already know about him. That it's always emotions on, that he's not shallow, that no matter how short or extended sex maybe it is always emotionally charged, and that he doesn't like be judged as if he is just "using her for sex".
We move among many subject after this, he is still being very moody and frusterated. He's telling me about the shitty day he had in class, and how he didn't connect with the class over the images they were viewing. How he felt that the rest of the class didn't respond appropriatly to these emotionally charged images. He's also telling me that Chipmunk didn't understand how he felt about the class being all yeah we throw away too much plastic and are soo attached to our technology. Why do they see this, but not see the famine, and abuse that is a constant in so many other locations/countries.
Then I'm talking to him about the dating site I'm sign up to, and how I'm not really expecting anything, but thought I could look over the site, and see how the sites environment feels. He reacts in a suprised fashion. Saying that he didn't see me being comfortable with poly or with finding a girlfriend of my own. I tell him that just because things didn't work with Chipmunk doesn't mean they can't work. And I talk to him more about the things I have learn from reading the master thread. That when I do try again that I'll have boundaries from the begining, that I won't have the same expectations. That I won't be moving any one in. That that sort of thing should be off the table for at least 2-3 years. He's being generally negative and moody, doom and glum. Saying how that would never work it's all or nothing kind of thing. So I tell him that right now he is just emotional so everything looks bad, and negative, and as if it won't work. He tells me that's rich comeing from me considering the previous day. So I tell him that it just shows that I understand that tomorrow when he's less emotional he'll feel differently. That I'm not telling him he shouldn't be upset, just that he is upset, and that what he says now is not really how he feels.
He lets go of the semi-disagreement over what types of boundaries I'd like, and nods that yeah he realizes I'm right he'll feel different tomorrow. But he is still very angry, and isn't wanting to actually talk to Chipmunk right now. He does say that their conversation isn't over and that he will talk to her.
It's bed time again, and again I'm not feeling sleepy. I know I need sleep and I go lay down. When it's becomes obvious that I'm not falling a sleep Airyn comes in the bedroom, we leave the door open so it's obvious we are not shutting Chipmunk out, just sitting and talking. Still Airyn is avoiding talking to Chipmunk. He brings me a night cap telling me it will help me sleep. and I'm talking to him about the new stress that Wolf has brought home with her. She is having trouble with an adult, and I will have to go to the school in the morning to see what I can do about it. Wolf feels that this adult is being rude, so it's nothing physical, just hurtful words. Airyn and I talk more about me looking for a girl friend, about being poly. He warns me that I will have to be careful with him comeing to me over his upsets with Chipmunk. That he doesn't want this to cause Chipmunk and I to avoid each other, or for me to begin hating her over his upsets.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married