husband is leaving me
Last night I was out at the club with my friends, dancing, feeling wonderfully alive and unleashed and just connecting to everyone and everything. When I got home, I told my husband (7yrs married, 7yrs living together before that) who has been absolutely miserable because of my new 2 1/2 month relationship with my female lover, that he needs to find his own happiness, even if that means he does so without me.
Careful what you wish for. This morning, my husband tells me he's leaving me. He cannot and will not tolerate anyone else's hands on my body. He's moving back to the city, which, really, is where he's wanted to be over the past few years anyway.
I suppose I could dump my girl to save my marriage, put my sexuality back in the box like I (mostly) have for years, and see how much longer I can keep the lid on it. But for me, she has been a revelation. Passionate and generous and open in a way that my husband has lost. Over the past few years, he's shut himself off from life, from adventure, and from others and himself emotionally. He goes to work, drinks, and watches t.v.. He fucks me and he feeds me and he pays the bills. He does not think I should want more than that, and true, for some women that would be enough.
This shit hurts, and I'm scared I'm doing the wrong thing. He's a good man who loves me to the best of his ability, and he's hardworking and takes care of me. I keep reminding myself (and him) that this isn't about the girl. Even if I broke it off with her, I would chafe in a marriage that doesn't inspire me, where I might be content, but not happy.
I need to know if I'm being a complete idiot. And, if I let this happen, how do I keep from clinging to my poor new girlfriend, the catalyst but NOT the homewrecker, like a friggin liferaft? I'm 40 and she's only 28 and fiercely independent, whereas I'm not used to being alone.