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Old 10-24-2012, 07:27 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Sounds like it is time for a careful sit-down, with all three of you involved in the discussion. They're probably not deliberately hiding things from you, but you need an opportunity to ask them whatever they have said in detail. Remember, though, these kinds of discussions are much more productive if no one insinuates any accusations. You'd just be asking them to tell you more about what they perceive as far as you being in the equation. And you'd be sharing the details of your feelings with them, so that they don't mis-read anything. Plus of course finding out how they feel about various things.

If she said you are the "coolest wife ever," then I would suggest taking that into account. She isn't looking down the nose at you, she is just making assumptions or misunderstanding your feelings/intent. That's why I say all three of you should talk, so that you can all get on the same page (about a number of topics).

Actually it might be wise for you guys to schedule regular three-person sit-downs, such as once a month or once a week (depending on how often/quickly misperceptions pop up). Communication is so important in polyamory. Without communication, people start making assumptions based on their own lenses. The best way to fix that is to get everyone together to talk.

As difficult as it is, try to not come from a place of anger when you talk with the other two. You are trying to obtain information and get a better idea of what is going on. And, you are trying to let them know of how you feel about various things, so that it's official.

People tend to assume that communication isn't necessary for certain things, as those things are just obvious. In reality, the "most obvious" things are often the things that need communicating the most. Assumptions are perilous, and can lead to a lot of bad feelings. Try not to assume. Get the absolute truth, directly from the person in question.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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