Mono guy with Poly girl: Finding the strength
I know what she needs, and why she needs it. I understand her feelings, and I acknowledge that I don't have the same ones. I know she has undying love for me, and wants to spend the rest of our lives together. I know she will only be with other guys from time to time that respect her, make her feel safe. I know I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that her relationships with other men bring spark to our sex life. I know that I get off on it, even. I know that I should be OK with all of this.
But I'm not.
I'm trying to find the strength. I'm always reminded of the little kid at the school yard who shows strength not by standing up to the bully, but by walking away. To walk away, in front of all the other kids pointing and laughing, is the ultimate strength. It's that strength where you are reaching within the depths of your heart and soul and switching off the pride, ego and jealously buttons that ever-so thrive inside of a man.
I'm that kid in the school yard, trying to find the strength.