After having a look around here I think this is the right place for me to explain my situation and get some advice from knowledgeable people on why I feel the way I do.
Having been in a monogamous relationship for 15 years and happily married for the last 8 of them to my wife (letís call her Rose) and we have 2 small children. We have a very good relationship and had often joked about having a threesome in the past, the opportunity had come up once or twice at parties etc. over the years but had never gone any further than just that.
Around a year ago Rose joined an all female sports team and over the last 6 months or so has found herself falling in love with one of the other girls there who happens to be a Lesbian bias Bi girl (letís call her Angel), apparently there was no love at first sight or lust stage they just got to know each other and connected on that higher level straight into love.
Now I knew nothing of this until following a party they were all at about 2 months ago she decided to bring her home and the inevitable happened, donít get me wrong I was all smiles for the next few days until the reality started to sink in.
We had a few weeks before Angel was going away for a month and we all slept together 4 or 5 times before she left which was always great although the level of passion between Rose and Angel was incredible to the point of being almost intimidating, these are the only times I ever really saw Angel but I am quite a sensitive person and she was beginning to grow on me already by then.
We then all kept in contact for the next 4 weeks via text etc. and then once she was back she spent 3 nights consecutively with us resulting in a distinct lack of sleep for everyone
Now I get Poly, I really like the idea and in my brain it all makes perfect sense, we have ended up with the clichť HBB without setting out to try and find one and when we are all together it feels awesome.
My problem is that the brain might well get it but the emotional side of me is in a constant battle with a gut wrenching, wanna puke feeling of jealousy that comes and goes in waves. I know it is completely unfounded, Rose and I have talked and talked about what we are doing and how anyone can call it off whenever they like to protect the primary etc. etc. and she has said she has no desire to go and have a lesbian relationship and is 100% committed to our marriage but I am slowly getting eaten alive by this emotion that I canít get past.
It is worst when they are both away together training or whatever and it also rears its ugly head when my wife is home with me but is constantly texting Angel on her phone, ( I donít think it is always Angel as I donít look on her phone, and itís probably no more than she used to it before but now itís different you know).
I would dearly love to be able to enjoy this amazing experience, try and grow my relationship with Angel who seems quite open to the idea of an ďusĒ within the triad, and have the same emotional stability in my stomach as I had before all this started. It is strong enough to stop me in my tracks and reduce me to tears in frustration with it sometimes.
How do I destroy this stupid feeling before it destroys me, the new relationship, the old relationship or even all three. I have read all the great sites such as More than Two etc. and have ordered The Ethical Slut and Redefining our Relationships to try and help me get my head around this but could really do with some input from people right now.
OK I think that should all make sense, over to you guys, questions please!!