So time has moved on, and things are somewhat evenish. As in nothing much has changed in the relationship status. Airyn is sorting out how he feels about my insecurities with him, and with Chipmunk. and we have all talked about how things are not going in the direction Chipmunk and I had originally intended. Chipmunk and I talk about just finding some close somewhat intimate balance between us. Something that we can both be happy with, and not find ourselves being uncomfortable when the three of us are together.
More time passes, and thing with Chipmunk and I are still at this stalled place. We talk, and chat like friends, we kiss, hold hands, but there is still no interest (as far as I can see) from Chipmunk in touching me during sex. This becomes a disappointment for me. I talk about it some what with Airyn asking for dating advice, and asking him where to go for more threesome ideas. That since Chipmunk doesn't seem interested in touching me and exploring my body I'm not sure what I want to do when the three of us are together. He offers some good advice about a porn site that has clean sensual videos, and suggest that we consider watching some together. Telling me not to expect things to move towards sex, but to go with it as a fun intimate time to gather ideas together. So I shyly attempt to breach this idea with Chipmunk. I'm telling her that I'd like to try watching some adult content movie together, that I had talked to Airyn about threesome ideas, and he had suggested some videos. She looked shocked, and when Airyn came in the room and went to offer her kisses, she dodged him and told him she was mad at him. This confused me, and ended my attempt at this conversation. In stead of pursueing this as if she would be interested in watch porn with me I tell her that I came to Airyn for ideas, that I had asked him what to do, where to go, that I was looking for intimate things for she and I. I'm attempting to tell her that we would have been watching sensual videos, and nothing to raunchy, or degrading as those don't interest me. Her only comment was a very uncomfortable, "I don't watch porn with other people".
I am hurt, disappointed, and I realize from her reaction that she has not been asking Airyn about how to date me. This upsets and confuses me. I ask him about it and he says that they really haven't had the time. So I point out that he and I are finding time for me to ask dating advice and that we have only 8-10 hours a week of alone time. He tells me that he felt it was kinda weird that she got mad at him for that, but that he think I may be taking it more seriously then it should be. That she may not have been serious about being upset, just trying to make light of the issue. But I'm still feeling hurt so he presses me to talk to her about it. I tell him that there's no point in saying anything when she has made it so clear that she's not interested.
The next week I hear from Airyn that Chipmuch has asked him to get a certain porn movie for her. I don't comment other then to clarify what type of movie it is. Chipmunk never says anything to me about it so I assume it is for just her. A couple weeks later, I'm at work and texting with Airyn and find out that Chipmuck is watching this porn. Airyn tells me, "We are watching that porn she asked me for, it's quite good actually." So again I'm feel hurt and rejected, and find that I don't know how to talk to either of them about this. So I just put it away. Deciding I don't want to think about it.
More time passes, and Airyn and Chipmucks mutual artsy class has a sensuality assignment. I offer to be their model. at first this seems good. Airyn gets some things he needs, and then uses Chipmuck for some of what he needs. During this time Chipmunk is not suggesting anything for me to help her with this assignment. They are down to crunch time, and I ask her if she has any ideas. She says no, so I offer a few, but we end up sitting on opposite sides of the bed, me not able to look up while she tells me that it's nothing against me. She just doesn't do posed people, she prefers candid for other people and posed for herself. I'm hurt, and left feeling unattractive, but I'm also trying to be understanding. She has a certain way she wants things to be in her art, on an intellectual level I can understand that. So I try to put the feelings of rejection aside.
Sort version: Chipmunk is feeling that having an intimate relationship with me is being forced on her. I'm feeling that all my attempts at a more intimate then "just Friends" relationship are being refused/shot down. I'm feeling rejected. I'm talking to Airyn about this, and I think so is Chipmunk. He sits us both down together, and tells us how similar we are, some of the things we have in common. That we have both be running from creating each other scared, and he's watching thing flounder between us. He tells us that we don't have to "be lovers" but that we should work at being more then just friends. Chipmunk and I are giggling at our own foolishness, and agree that we both want this to work.
Things between Chipmunk and I are still not moving beyond slightly more then friends. And I start really asking myself why. During this whole thing I have been reding these forums, the Master Thread, some of the blogs. Trying to see how other poly relationships work, looking for ideas, and good advice, but not actually asking any questions. The more I read, and think about how I feel, and what I want I find that I'm figuring out the situation.
I want to be with a women who is interested in exploring another woman's body, who's comfortable with their own sexuality. Once I realize that Chipmunk isn't comfortable with her sexuality I start looking at where we are. I realize that she is not bisexual, that she's not truly even bi-curious. That she might be called bi-flexible, as in she is ok with a woman in the mix, with a woman touching her, but not ok with touch another woman (outside of kissing, and hand holding). This is very disappointing for me. But I want to find a way to make our current living arrangements work. So I figure out that what I want from Airyn is 2 days a week, and at least one weekend a month of alone time.
I tell him this and I tell him that I don't see a way to make that happen with Chipmunk living in our tiny space. So this request can not be fulfilled, but at least what I want is known. Less then a week later I tell Airyn that I'm no longer interested in pursuing an intimate relationship with Chipmunk, but that it is ok that she is his girlfriend. That the problem now is that he and I still have very very little time to be just us, and that I really really do what what I asked for. That this will leave plenty of time for him to have a girlfriend. He reminds me that our lease is up in 5ish months, and asks if I can wait it out till then. That he feels asking Chipmunk to move out will alienate her, and will be like us breaking our promise to help her out of her home life with mom. I tell him I'm willing to try, and he asks if he can tell her. Say that it will be a relief to her, and that it might make a relationship between she and I easier. That I should burn any bridges, and that I should stay open to the possibility.
Chipmunk is told while she is at work and say pretty much the same thing that it's good to hear, that it will make things less "forced" between she and I. I tell Airyn that thing should not have felt forced, we are in this relationship because she expressed an interest in me, and then I get sad, and ask him to cuddle telling him that It feels like I'm breaking up with her. He tells me that I'm offering her comfort, and security and that I should be happy, and not sad about it.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married