I'm sorry to go a bit off topic, but this was just too good of an example to pass. I think the biggest problem of using the words primary and secondary is that people use those very differently. Look at these two different ways to handle things:
Originally Posted by persephone
I had a knee-jerk reaction to put my primary's desires first, at the expense of the OSO. --- Then, my primary wanted to be sexual with me at the same time and I made OSO wait. --- I think OSO is getting over it, but I thought it was curious that I didn't even think twice about breaking my promise to him, because my primary partner wanted the same thing from me at the same time.
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
While I have a live-in partner (a primary) and a remote partner (a secondary), as I have said many times on this forum before, that is not a ranking about their importance as people or in my life, it is merely a reflection of the practical day-to-day of our lives. If I make a commitment to one, then we hold to that.
They both use the words primary and secondary, even though in the first case it's obvious that the primary's needs and wants come first and in the second case it just reflects who shares day-to-day stuff with who. Isn't it confusing? That is precisely why I won't use those terms at all, because I would never know which interpretation people would make and to me those two attitudes are worlds apart. There's no judgement here, I'm just pointing out that for example persephone and CielDuMatin seem to have quite different definitions for primary.
Me: bi female in my 30's
Partners: Dahlia, Fay and Jasmin
Living with Dahlia and Eddie (Dahlia's other partner)