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Old 10-23-2012, 10:30 AM
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MoonElf MoonElf is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 42

Wow. Reading your reply actually helped me a lot.

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
It sounds like he doesn't actually understand what it means for you to be poly in nature, which makes sense since he is apparently not poly.
Yes, I don't think he does. When I first brought up about me being poly (back when we were just friends) he mentioned he agrees to my point of view and would engage a relationship like this. I don't remember me explaining this in detail, though. The "detailing" usually comes when someone goes "oh noes, I don't condone being promiscuous. =O" Then I take my time to explain poly. He just agreed with me, though. I guess I automaticaly assumed he knew what I was talking about. Never good to just go around assuming stuff, though. My bad.

In the first days, he did ask me if there was something wrong between Peaches and I. He sounded actually worried for me. He asked if I didn't feel guilty about it.

I then explained how Peaches knew about it way before it happened. That we talked about it and he was ok with it. I also made a point of saying there's nothing at all wrong with my relationship with Peaches and I made sure CC knew I was not looking in him for something I didn't have with Peaches. I remember saying: "This is not about me and Peaches. It's about me and you" as I explained I liked him a lot and wanted to be with him just because of that. I did say I tend to love more than one person at once. Didn't use the word "love" though. Very afraid of that.

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
The notion that limiting time will make it possible to limit emotions is a fallacy, though.
I agree. CC seems to be dealing with this better, though. To me, he seems way more romantic towards me than he'd been before what I call "his little melt down", even though our agreement was to see each other less so he could keep this on FWB level. I just don't get it.

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Valid fear. Been there, done that. I don't have any particularly helpful advice, except to really think about if you're okay with being a "for now" relationship, until he finds someone mono to be with, and if you're willing to risk potentially harming the friendship if/when that happens. Either decision has its pros and cons, so only you can decide what you want most.
That's what I'm strugling the most. I'm totally ok with this being "for now". For now. XD I keep having this sudden hopes that it'll last, though. And the same way he was concerned about his jaleousy and wish for exclusivity would disrespect my lifestyle choices, I'm concerned that me being poly would disrespect his.

HIS fear is that he ends up loving me too much and end up going Cowboy on me. ("It's me or Peaches" and all that drama) He knows it would ruin both our relationship and friendship and he sees this as extremely disrespectiful himself. (Thanks the heavens for that.)
MY fear is that I end up loving him too much and he ends up being wired mono after all (though it really doesn't seem the case sometimes) and will never be open to loving me that much.

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Maybe invite him here to read the blogs of those who are in healthy, happy poly relationships? Perhaps seeing it "in action" would help him wrap his head around poly better?
I don't know how yet, but I got to educate CC on this somehow. XD He keeps asking silly things like: "Won't Peaches mind if you sleep over" or "Isn't weird if I go to your house? Won't Peaches be there?"
In this cases I patienly answer that Peaches is happy for me and that he, in fact, would love to spend some time with CC too, he thinks they could be great friends.
I think he's slowly (VERY slowly) getting the idea of poly.

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
It's hard to be the one to say "I love you" first! No advice from me on that one, I'm afraid. You're the only one who will know when you're ready to tell him, but I wouldn't put too much emphasis on trying to find "the right time". I tend to make decisions by asking myself, "Which could I possibly end up regretting more: doing something or not doing it?"
And THAT'S the part I mentioned really helped me a lot.
I realise despite my fears about it, there's no way I could ever regret the time I've spent with CC. Even if it ends up tomorow with him going full cowboy and saying "It's me or him, and if it's him you're never seeing me again." (ok, that would hurt a lot. but still) or by him finding the most beautifull, funny, smart and interesting monogamic girl and leaving forever. (that would totally kill me at first. But I know I can find it in me to get through and be happy for him eventually).
What I have with CC is worth the risk, I guess. And even if everything goes wrong from here on, I think we enjoyed so much or time togheter and learned so much from each other that there's no way I could catch myself thinking: I shouldn't have done this, and I woudn't get hurt.

I'll try to tell him how I really feel about this. Maybe I'm not ready to say I love him, but I can see myself explaining how much deeper are my feelings and how I'd enjoy if he was open to stop limiting his, at least.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read and reply. It did help me a lot.
Me, female in a V with Peaches, live in boyfriend and CC, boyfriend.
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