The begining: Part 2
Birth control gets taken care of, Chipmunk and i have a girl shopping day, for fun prep before she and Airyn get their first evening alone (and) for PIV. We get relaxing bath bombs, and body lotions, and sexy under clothes. The next evening is all there's and they have a great time. A bit unsure of each other, but both very much wanting to be together. So now there is nothing keeping the sexual hormones at bay, and I find myself a bystander too too often. I talk to Airyn about this, and we agree that no one should be left out (unfulfilled) when the three of us are all together. This discussion is after weeks of pent up sexual tension between the three of us, and is brought about due to my sudden spike of insecurity with how I look, and my desirability to Airyn and Chipmunk.
Sometimes I choose to set up a scenario where the two of them are together, and set my physical want for sex aside, but having no choice or option for my own needs is not healthy over a longish period of time. Still none of us see any real problems with our relationship, it looks like everything will smooth out, and things are going to work well (NRE). Then another weekend comes when I end up in the position as a bystander. Not being offered much of anything. I get to touch, but am not being touched. Later that evening I'm very emotional, feeling very insecure, and unattractive. Airyn try's to console me, but I'm having a hard time explaining how I'm feeling, and what is wrong. I eventually tell him that I feel very unattractive and as if he doesn't want me, and doesn't want to see me naked. He tells me this isn't true and we have a really good talk about my insecurity. We talk more about it the next day when I am less emotional. I explain that it is hard to feel sexy, attractive, and desirable when the people I am making out with are not reaching out for me. This sparks another conversation about everyone being taken care of when we are all together. Again it is agreed that no one should be left out and feel wanting.
During the work week, I'm in bed sleeping by 5pm, as I get up for work at midnight. Both Airyn, and Chipmunk stay up to see me off to work, then they have the bed, and bedroom to them selves. I work 5 nights a week. Chipmunk at this time is work far enough away that getting her to work during rush hour take at least an hour, sometimes more. Typically she had only been scheduled for 3-4, 4-5 hour shifts. So if her start or end time was during rush hour then Airyn and I would have about 2-3 hours of time at home alone. This started stressing me out after about a month of Chipmunk living with us. The lack of time for the dyad between Airyn and myself started really wearing me out, and NRE began receding due (in part) to this lack of time.
So another incident comes up with my one "boundary" being discarded. Wolf is home it is midday, so Airyn tells Chipmunk that it will have to wait till later in the evening. She sets herself in a sexy position across the bed, and it doesn't take us long to join her. Again I am in the bystander position of not being touch, but being allowed to touch. Chipmunk notices that things aren't right with me and asks if I'm ok. I don't respond right away, but basically tell her I'm enjoying myself. Afterwards we are headed out for a bit, and Airyn asks me if I enjoyed having Chipmunk between us (Chipmunk is in the bedroom getting ready to go). To which I tell him that it was NOT ok to be left out again, and walk out the door. I'm getting all emotional and want to forget about my upset and have a good time while we are out. I tell him that I just don't want to think about it. That it is one thing when I set us up in such a way that I'm not asking for anything, but it is another to have that choice taken from me. He tells me that from now on he will leave threesome options up to me. That he won't initiate anything with out me asking for it, or that I will have to initiate on my own. I'm agreeable to this. And so make suggestions in advanced of what I'd like to do, or ask what Airyn, or Chipmunk would like. Chipmunk does not offer suggestions, Airyn does, and things seem ok for a while.
At one point just after PIV first became available between Chipmunk and Airyn, Chipmunk and I attempted an evening just for us. We had our bath, and snuggled in the bedroom. But There isn't much touching forth coming from her. Once she reaches the happy place that has thus far been as far as she gets I come back up and snuggle with her. At this point she tells me she doesn't know what to do with me. I suggest that she does what she enjoys having done to her. Her response, "I don't know what I like." This evening leaves me feel very much rejected, and unhappy. About a week later after many talks with Airyn he tells me that Chipmunk is also feeling rejected, and that I need to talk to her. He gets us together, and gets us talking. I admit that I miss being able to snuggle with her, and that i miss making out with her (we had both been more or less avoiding each other). She says she miss these things to. So it seems we have started repairing the rift our evening alone created. Unfortunately things are never quite the same between us. Her kisses no longer turn me on, and I start realizing that she's just not into me. This hurts as well, and is even harder for me to talk about.
Airyn starts being seriously worried about how I am doing. He sees Chipmunk and I floundering in creating our dyad. He starts talking to Chipmunk about making things work, about how worried he is. He and I talk about how I'm unhappy with how little time and space he and I have to be a couple together. We come up with a few ideas to try to alleviate this issue. Things are obviously not perfect, but we want to make it work, and are trying out different options. The results of Airyns conversations with Chipmunk is this. They are both worried about how I am reacting to the loving relationship that they have between them, and the lack of time I hve to be with either of them separately (mostly this is a problem for me with Airyn). Chipmunk asks Airyn what will happen to their relationship if things don't work between she and I. He tells her that it will not put them in a good place.
One of the solutions Airyn and I try out for getting some alone time is to go for a walk just the two of us. Unfortunately living in Texas and it being summer time it was just too hot. So instead we start spending a couple hours at the end of my day talking in the bedroom together. him sitting beside me while I'm laying down on the bed. We have told Chipmunk that nothing too intimate is going on and that she is welcome to come and go as needed. She does come and go here and there, nothing invasive, but enough to alleviate any concern she may have had with being excluded (I think).
So it is during Airyn's and my walk together in the heat that he tells me about the conversation with Chipmunk about her relationship with me. I tell him that it doesn't really feel good to know that she will only be attempting to placate me to continue her relationship to him. But I think about it a little more, and tell him that it doesn't have to be all that distasteful, that she was hitting on me and that that is why we are here. He agreed that he felt she wasn't just going to be placating me, that she genuinely wants this to work. The next morning (I may have the time line wrong here) he tells me that I should be open and receptive to anything Chipmunk may suggest. That they had talked about her dating me, and that she really wants to spend more time with me. So she asks me out on a date, and we start coming up with plans. Airyn asks me how this felt, and I told him I liked it, that it did catch me off guard even with him telling me to expect something different.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married