I didn't have time to read all the responses but I wanted to comment on this
Originally Posted by ThunderZag
Abe has laid down a handful of baseline rules that I agree with, and I'm willing to try. My problem right now, is that I don't feel very rational or logical. I have never been able to lie to people, I tend to be honest to a fault without meaning to be. Abe has asked that I not confront K, or treat her any differently than I did before all of this came up again, because he doesn't want her hurt. K tends to react VERY badly when she is hurt. So now I feel like I'm lying to her because I'm acting like I'm ok with everything and that she hasn't caused me any pain.
This isn't right. With this kind rule in place, the poly relationship will most definitely not work!
For it to work you need to be able to communicate with K. You need to be able to tell her how you feel. For you to be able to forgive her for her part in the boundary breaking, you need to get her side of the story (did she know, why did she do it) and an apology, if warranted.
Doesn't it strike you as somehow wrong that Abe cheated on you with K and then he is worried that she might get her feelings hurt if you talked with her? Doesn't it seem problematic that he is protecting her feelings but not yours?
It sounds to me he is not really worried about how either of you feel. What concerns him is that there might be some consequences to him about the way he acted if you girls talked with each other...