Originally Posted by Electrickery
My concern is that I found this out a few months AFTER I had spent all that time with her.
So, the question is whether or not I just stay with this person and simply not think about her poly lifestyle? Or walk away from what could easily be a sure thing, if only because me being a product of my environment has me wired to not really feel comfortable with the concept? I don't want to be ignorant to her or her needs.
I'm one of those "other peeps" who would prefer to hear she'd told you upfront... but upon reflection, nyc makes a valid point that there's no need to do so until the relationship seems like it might actually go somewhere. For a certain period when people are "dating," it's just understood not to be exclusive.
I personally can't imagine getting to know anyone really well without wanting to talk about my husband. Not like we're joined at the hip or anything, but he affects my life and is relevant to the choices I make.
Ok, part 2. What do you do now? You forgot the third option: Stay with this person and learn about her poly life. I don't think you'll be able to avoid thinking about it. And if this person is as special as you say she is, I wouldn't toss her away without at least trying it first. You'll never know unless you do, right?
Also, I'm interested in the fact that you credit your environment for your wiring. Nurture vs nature kind of thing. Take some time for introspection: do you believe you're wired monogamous, or is it more a product of your environment? It varies person to person, there's no absolute answer. Even if you find you're wired to be mono, you may want to explore mono-poly relationships (search on here, lots of gems). And if you discover that it's more a product of culture, then perhaps this begins a new chapter in your life!