I wrote a version of this on a group last week and it is holding in my mind. I thought I would paste it here.
Personally I like drama. The kind that means that shit is aired out with calmness, kindness and a whole lot of listening, pacing and consideration. Not the kind that is perpetuated because someone is in a comfortable rut of creating it over and over again just because that is what they are used to and feel they are only valuable if they are causing it or are a part of it.
There is an art to knowing which is which in people and that means really listening to them and really asking them some hard questions. Asking myself some hard questions. There are not many people who can reach the point of being frustrated with drama and still push to see if there is space in front of it. An ending to it. That kind of work with someone is such a huge gift. It takes incredible people to spend that time. It takes incredible love.
Drama to me is inevitable. Regardless of how much I avoid or hate it. I embrace it for a time until the issues are somewhat solved with a course of action or a break needs to be taken. What really is damaging I find is when people decide to shut down and shut up because something is hard. Sometimes there is just as much drama caused because someone has decided to stop talking; as if the issues just disappear and no one will notice they were their at all.
This is the kind of shutting down that is about lack kind and caring communication. The kind that becomes hurtful. Even a simple "I need a break" is better than silence or harsh words. Reaching that silent point usually means its done. At least for now. In a case such as this, I would have a hard time with being involved in any way with that person again... it would be near impossible for me to be at all involved with the person if one of my partners decided to be involved with them. Still, I would give it a try and do my best to trust that whatever the issues they can be worked through. Why? Because love is worth it. Being positive is worth it.
To me negative anything begets more negative and so I would try to work things out with anyone who repeats themselves in my life. Positive loving actions and thoughts do the same thing. If I just stop being involved in negative then it has no where to go. If I encourage positive it expands. Thing is, how does one stay positive when there is the element of "its not fair" or "its hurts still" and the frustration that comes along with that.... that is the tricky part and the part that has to be practiced I think. I would ask for a lot of forgiveness while I process I think. I would ask for space. I would need it in order to get back to loving again.
I would also keep my negativity within a circle that I trust will not judge me or expand the negative thinking that comes up sometimes. They would have to be people that know I need to blow off steam in order to maintain order for myself and to spread the positive stuff. Those people would love my drama because they love me and would understand that I don't wish to hold on to it but need to process somewhere. Those people would be positive and loving and I would give that in return.
I have this right now. I am so blessed.
Yet there is still so much work to be done with some people... It hurts and my heart aches to do it. It aches when they don't want to work as hard as I do.