I met Ocean early 2006, through similar political circles at university. At the time, I thought it unlikely that I would have a positive sexual experience with a guy, and was not looking to date men. But my heart was snagged by the thrill of conversing with him and I fell in love, fast. An inebriating combination of a heart full of care for the world and a head full of smarts.
One of our early conversations was about non-monogamy. I'd come to realise I didn't need monogamy in relationships. The idea of a partner of mine being with someone else brings a smile to my face (assuming the liaison is a positive one for them) rather than triggers twinges of jealousy.
For his part, he'd thought of love as an expansive thing, one that could well encompass practises beyond monogamy. He shared a poem by a famous Bengali poet, Rabindranath Tagor - "Free Love
It wasn't long before we were shirking our respective study schedules for lazy afternoons in bed. The love was luscious; it had a divinity to it which has only grown over the years (despite long periods of us being more sensual than sexual with each other). We played with gender and power dynamics. We talked and talked. We travelled, shared community activities, made chai at a peace rally. Walking arm and arm with Ocean, unravelling our thoughts together, is one of the most sustaining things in my life.
After a year or two, we felt sure we wanted to live our lives together. We didn't need a ceremony to prove our commitment to each other, but knew that my parents and his (especially mine) would be more comfortable if we were officially hitched. So in late 2009 we got civilly unioned, and early 2010 we threw a wedding party as we reckoned we may as well celebrate
Breaking up is not an option for us, we have decided to avoid that way of thinking. Of course, bizarre things could happen to change this (you always never know, with life) but we're serious about making it work as a couple. We've chosen each other and are still so in love (possibly naively, hah)
I went out for breakfast with him this morning and asked him how it felt having two relationships for the first time (he's been seeing Menrva, his girlfriend, since the start of this month). He smiled and said "it's good". I adore seeing him so happy.
We sipped coffees, played footsie under the table and made eyes at each other. The perfect way to start the day.