Ok, so he's on his second chance then. Does he know this? And that it isn't like he gets infinite second chances?
What about you feeling "ugh" about her not coming clean. This is your expectation. Have you stated it to her directly -- "Why have you not come clean with me? "
That's work on your
you <--> Kathy tier of the polymath.
(Do you go to her with things well? Does she come to you?)
you to (Abe + Kathy) tier of the relationship. (Do you go to them as a couple with your things well? Does that couple come to you?)
Every polyship has many mini relationships inside it. Neither of those tiers is giving you what you want -- honesty. So have you articulated it and these tiers are not delivering? Or do you expect them to "just know" and "should be telling you?" Nobody can mind reader.
How does the trio agree to be together? What rights and responsibilities
will you each hold up?
Again... most of the polymath stuff I wrote out for this threa
d -- it applies here. Just different names. Also the dealing with problems that pop up. Gotta break down the elephant.