While I have a live-in partner (a primary) and a remote partner (a secondary), as I have said many times on this forum before, that is not a ranking about their importance as people or in my life, it is merely a reflection of the practical day-to-day of our lives.
If I make a commitment to one, then we hold to that. If there is an issue, it's not my duty to arbitrate - everyone needs to be able to communicate with each other to work things through and find a solution. The decision made will be a joint decision, not mine alone.
He is putting himself in the position of arbiter of these things, and that is always going to be a lot of pressure to make the "right" decision. if those involved don't work together to discuss things and reach a resolution then nobody will understand the reason why a particular decision is made.
With regard to the sex thing - you made a commitment to your OSO and then you broke it. That starts to break down the trust level between you and your OSO - your OSO starts feeling like anything that the two of you arrange can be "trumped" by this person who is more important to you. Not a position I would want to be in, I'm afraid.
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Last edited by CielDuMatin; 10-22-2012 at 05:04 PM.