I think you're pretty amazing.
I'm a married woman who recently fell hard for another woman, and unlike you, my husband has offered more resistance and resentment than support and understanding. Though after many tears and fights, he has "allowed" me to have a relationship with her, it is strictly DADT and she is not supposed to intrude on our life together in any way. Unlike your wife, I am unable to spend a night with my lady love, unable to talk about her with my husband (to whom I normally tell everything.) I am unable to be with her except during blissful, stolen hours while husband is at work.
So go easy on yourself, you are clearly an unbelievably generous, confident, and evolved human being, and I'm guessing your wife gets that totally.