Sorry it took me so long to get on the boards and read up on your situation.
LR is correct in that Im in the same situation that you find yourself in. Ill Pm you little more indepth look into my heart but I wanted to give you a few pieces of advice to think on.
When you feel that rock sitting in your throat and your gut is twisting in knots. Ask yourself a few questions( I ask them out loud, if no one is around
). 1) Does it mean my partner loves me less if he loves another?
2) Does him loving another mean he wants to replace me? 3) does him loving another make ME love him less?
As others have said on the board its ok, normal and good to have feelings and emotions( if you didnt have any you would be a shell of a person) the key to remember is that you shouldn't REACT with out first asking yourself what do these feeling's mean and where do they come from? Words and actions can be apoligized for but the damage is done. These are wounds that heal but ALLWAYS leave a scar.
Ive read that you said your relationship has gotten much better after you both decided that it was ok to have multiple loves in your life. I think you will find that if you allow people to be able to be whole and complete they will also be whole and complete with YOU.
Build on that love you two have. Spend time communicating, lots of time talking and being real with yourself and each other.NOW is the time to build the solid relationship that you and your husband want.
You are on the right track Lovely. Keep your mind and heart open be true to yourself and communicate to your husband and also to Mary.
I have alot of respect for you Lovely, Im here if you need to talk. PM LR if you want/need to chat to me. Im working tons of hours and have lots of things to get done in the next 3 months but Ill be there if you need me.
Peace and Love