Movie date with Menrva and her husband Bert went well yesterday. Had pizza and chilled at their place with their new rabbits. Rabbits very cute. Ocean and Bert went off to get beers and pizza and Menrva and I hung back playing with the fluffballs. Afterwards, Ocean asked me "so... what did you and Menrva talk about when we were away?" Really? Nothing about you, darling
So many things are reminiscent of how it was, in the reverse, when I started seeing Grotto.
This afternoon I caught up with Menrva for coffee (ended up being frozen yoghurt... mine with fresh strawberries, melon and lychee, yummm). Sitting down at the yoghurt place, we talked this and that. Afterwards, she assumed I'd be heading back to see Ocean at work (I hadn't planned to) but I ended up walking back with her anyways. She popped the question "so... how are you finding this?" I had to think awhile before answering.
I initially said "well. In general, I'm happy when other people are happy. So if you both are happy, then I'm good." She looked quite dissatisfied with that, and I quickly added - "of course, that's not the whole story." But, what was the whole story? I started talking about my own headspace at the moment, feeling restless and figuring things out. This is making me have variable moods, and not always being in the most resilient mind-set for dealing with shakes or surprises. In conclusion - the times when things aren't feeling okay is generally directly connected to my personal weather rather than anything specific about her.
Later, she spoke in terms identical to how Ocean and I spoke, way-back-when... She called this an experiment, and an experiment that fails if anyone is not feeling happy. For quite a while, Ocean, Grotto and I talked in those terms about our 'poly' experiment. This is a common experience, I think. Anyway, we tumbled into it and felt we were trying it out... seeing if it worked... unsure of things...
I don't feel like we're experimenting anymore with Grotto. As in, this isn't some trial period. It's working, and we want it to work out.
In early stages of relationships, when you're getting to know everyone involved, it makes a lot of sense to frame what's happening in 'experiment' language. In some ways, the experiment never ends - of course. But I feel a shift happens once you get more clarity of what you want, and what it will take to achieve it.
I'm glad to have spent time with Menrva. She wrote me and said she'd be keen to hang out some more, not because I'm Ocean's other partner, but because she likes me independently as a person. From my perspective, getting to know and like Menrva helps me feel good about the group dynamics. I'm not particularly drawn to her as a friendship I want to grow per se (compared with anyone else I meet) but it's a relationship worthwhile prioritising - to a point - for the sake of good vibes all round. And spending time with people I wouldn't usually spend time with is always good learning, if I have the right attitude about it, and it fits in with whatever else I'm doing.