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Old 10-22-2012, 03:16 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,806
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Let me summarize:

I feel needy.
I feel lonely.
My BF is all caught up with the NRE girlfriend and neglecting me, the ORE girlfriend. He lives with me in my parent's home.

Today we had a fight. He says:
  • he wants to be free of having to be there and offer support when a partner is upset
  • He does not want to be obligated to anyone
  • he wants to come and go as he pleases.
  • he's already said as much that it was a bad choice of words, but that doesn't change that it's probably how he feels, and its also the way kathy feels. He prefers to spend most of his time with her.

I am stressed out and need him right now.
I did not tell him I want him to spend time with me.
I was afraid that if I state my needs, he would abandon me and not meet them.
Is he THERE? No. When he is there, is he there? No. He spends his time there with his mind with Kathy. So he's not present with you even when his body is there with you.

And he is meeting your needs right NOW? No, he is not.

He's gone already, hon. When do you LISTEN to what he said? Accept that he is not willing to devote time/energy to your relationship with him.

Quote:
i hope some one has some words of advice, because i don't want to lose him, and i don't want to sabotage his relationship with kathy, but i don't want to replace my desire for him with someone else, i don't feel this is polyamory,
You do not lose him. He is not an object. He is a person. He chooses his behavior. You choose yours.

He is choosing to neglect you, he is choosing to be elsewhere.

You are choosing to not break up with him for neglecting you. You are choosing to ignore that he is gone, and ignore what he is saying to you.

You cannot make him attend to you. Why allow him to live in your home?

It is a Time of Suckage for you, and I am sorry. I know it hurts.

But considering that he's doing nothing for you right now but cause you emotional pain?

It's a life choice of "this sucks -- being neglected by him" and "this sucks -- thinking about dumping him."

Which one sucks the least? Dumping him and getting him out of your house.

Because then you are not being stressed out and neglected any more. You stop expecting him to tend to you and you get him out of your parent's house and do not have to be around him as much.

Then you can open the door to healing, feeling stable again, and open up to your next future happiness.

But you cannot do that if you are holding on to something that isn't a thing any more.

I know that may be Hard to Hear. I am so sorry you are hurting.

GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-22-2012 at 12:54 PM.
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