Originally Posted by nondy2
Also, and this is secondary, if you have been through sexual trama, how do you not feel uncomfortable with certain issues. I can't change who I am! If sex parities make me uncomfortable and my husband knows that so it isn't worth it to him , why is that wrong?
Sorry this one I didn't see and will go ahead and answer here. Yeah, I've been through sexual trauma. If you want details about how when and what, again PM.
Of course there are certain issues I am uncomfortable with! You can, however, change who you are. You are the only one that can! That's not here or there though. Through the years, there are things that I have become comfortable with. That has taken time, love, acceptance and major trust. Hubby and I have been together going on 20 years now. So there's a lot of build up into the trust there, and to be honest, there are things I am not comfortable with doing or experiencing with others. Just him. It takes me time to get comfortable with other people. No, that doesn't go away, you learn to live with it. Part of that is being honest with yourself and your partners.
You can't make anyone do anything, that's true, but you CAN tell someone what makes you uncomfortable and why! It can be something you slowly work towards getting comfortable with (baby steps) or something you just seriously can not handle. That choice is yours.
It's not wrong, and no one said it was. Only that what makes you uncomfortable isn't necessarily what makes others. So are you uncomfortable with sex parties for yourself, or for anyone? Or for any of your partners? Basically, it's up to you to think on it and learn where your 'squick factor' lies. Then communicate it, and you two negotiate what works for you. Maybe you are okay with him doing it as long as you know he's safe. Maybe you just don't want to hear about it but as long as ground rules on safety are followed. There are many possibilities and no one is saying you HAVE to accept or do anything. Just that it's your responsibility to learn what you are comfortable with and why. Then decide what to do from there!
For the record, I always tell potential partners about my sexual trauma before it gets really serious. It helps them as well to know that there are certain things that are just not good for me and might trigger responses.