Originally Posted by nondy2
I am getting two different messages here : 1. Is you should have agreements and stick by them 2. You should not impose rules on a relationship. This is confusing.
Well, different people do things different ways, of course, but let me see if I can rephrase to become clearer.
A relationship is an agreement. Part of an agreement are terms and conditions. (What some people refer to as "rules" and "boundaries".) These are negotiated as part of the agreement. It is not telling someone how to act, it is saying that in order to live up to the agreement, they need to act this way. If they choose not to, then that invalidates the agreement.
Some people prefer to have less rules and boundaries in their relationship, some need more. There is no right or wrong way in this - it's down to the needs of the individuals involved.
While discussing the terms of a relationship, it often helps if the individual boundaries are thoroughly discussed, rather than just being stated. This helps folks understand the reason why something is required to be in place, and investigate other ways in which the underlying factors can be satisfied.
In this case, the advice to investigate what your concerns are about sex parties would be highly relevant. Come up with concrete reasons why they are a problem for you, and explain that to your partner.