Since I wrote, my husband has decided not to go to sex parities because it is stepping over my boundaries. I am getting two different messages here : 1. Is you should have agreements and stick by them 2. You should not impose rules on a relationship. This is confusing.
As far as sex parties, I am very open-minded about other people. My reaction comes from a visceral, not academic nor moral stance. It is all my naive but I would ask, what is the diffence between a sex addict and people who gear their ives around sex parties and conventions. I ma trying to be open minded! I am trying to be cool with it.
My drama is not in the past. It is a very real present of many friends whose lives have been distoyed but orgies and AIDS and multiple partners - three a night! You said, thiere are extreme cases I could not even imagine. Unfortuealy, I have heard the most brutal stories - my friend doing meth and getting fucked for 20 hrs by guy after guy, his boyfriend being brutally raped, beaten, and covered with shit when going to a hook up, etc. IAM STUPID but it is viscerally hard for me to distinguish these meetings between that and going to sex parties. I also believe the hetrosexual community is very nonchalant about HIV. Maybe I'm wrong - but most people I've met don't know what "are you negative means" and it's still an akward question. I am prepared to be wrong though!
You have to understand that I am coming from a Catholic background and great trama. Perhaps all the sex positive people who arr comfortable with 'anything goes" have not been witness to people dying of AIDS and so on. I Don't know what makes someone comfortable with their partner engaging in any form of sex...
As far as maturity, I do believe that having to answer to something (anything) besides a job, makes a person mature and makes life deeper. I think many people live like 25 yr olds catering to only their needs. They haver every right to do so, but because of my own maturity (growing up disabled, watching family and friends die, raising a child) I guess I am (unfairly) impatient. & much of my maturity I did not choose, I didn't chose to be disabled and deal with endless prejudice, I didn't chose to have my father abandon me at 6... etc.
Thanks for listening.