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Old 10-21-2012, 09:29 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Example from my life: I was feeling lonely a lot of the time, even though I had good friends around me. I saw a psychologist about it. She suggested something that seemed totally ass-backwards at the time, but it ended up helping tremendously.

When my grandma got pregnant out of wedlock with my mom's oldest sister, her family completely disowned her. Two generations later, I was feeling lonely. Rationally, I figured "how could that have anything to do with it?" But I decided to suspend disbelief and give her suggestion a whirl. We went through this exercise of putting myself in my mother's shoes, my grandmother's shoes, and eventually my great-grandmother's shoes. As my great-gran, I had to "apologize" to my "daughter" for rejecting her. As my grandma, I had to "tell" my "mother" how much it hurt to be rejected. And so-on down the line, until I had to "tell" my mother that I cannot be responsible for her loneliness, that I'm an adult who has to live my own life.

At the time, the whole thing seemed totally flaky. But you know what? I felt so much better afterwards. I honestly haven't felt any irrational loneliness since then.

It's amazing how much these things can trickle down. Maybe your mom was abused as a child, so she learned to associate touching with negative feelings. As an adult, she continued to reject touching, and so did not provide her son with the touches a child needs to grow up healthy.

Again, I'm just throwing out possibilities, not saying "THIS is why you feel this way." But these are things you can explore with a professional who's trained in this kind of thing.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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