Originally Posted by Halcyon
I cant really think of anything that would trigger this type of thinking. My mom and I aren't (and have never been) terribly close and touch wasn't a big part of life growing up, but it certainly wasn't abusive and she did try very hard to be a good parent. And if it was related to that, why would it only develop in my mid-teens? Why wouldn't it be something I recognized earlier?
I apologize if my comment came across as hurtful in any way. I'm no psychologist, and I obviously haven't done an in-depth psychological analysis on you. But a lot of dysfunctions that people have as adults stem from things that happened, or didn't happen, as children.
I didn't imply that your mother abused you. I didn't mean to suggest that any of the possibilities I mentioned were reality. I don't know you, or your mom, or your uncle. I was just picking the low-hanging fruit of common childhood traumas that can create devastating psychological effects later in life.
However, you do acknowledge that touch wasn't a big part of life growing up. Touch is important to a human. A child who does not receive enough affection is almost certain to grow into an adult with some kind of personal issues. Even with extensive therapy, these issues will likely never be fully resolved. But you can learn healthy coping mechanisms.
My husband grew up in a family where hugging was completely forbidden. The most he could ever hope for was a slap on the back if he won first place showing cattle. As a result, when he hit puberty, he became one of those people who had sex with lots of people, just to be touched and feel an inkling of affection.
The brain is complicated. Lots of things don't show up for years or even decades. People repress things to cope. Years later, something can trigger those memories. Even if they don't fully form as conscious memories, they can cause symptoms of trauma.
The hormonal changes that take place at puberty have major effects on neurochemistry. They completely reshape your brain from a "child brain" to "teenager brain" which, as we all know, is all kinds of topsy-turvy.
I repeat, I'm not a psychologist. I've done extensive reading, as both my husband and mother had traumatic childhoods. It's been very helpful in understanding why they do the things that they do, and why they struggle with things that come so naturally to me.
I recommend you see a psychologist about this. Not just a therapist or counsellor, but a registered clinical psychologist. You say you've looked for scientific explanations, but your description hints that it's more of a psychological issue than a neurochemical issue.