View Single Post
Old 10-21-2012, 08:19 PM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Don't think anybody (I at least wasnt) suggesting anything like saying there was "something serious" to talk about then not addressing it, just to send a list of talking points so there's no surprises (and I would've included *talk about possibility of overnights with Brian at our house in the list, I wouldn't be vague.
Other than wording, I don't see the difference. When I said "it's about __this__," "__this__" meant "the possibility of overnights with Brian at our house."

How do you bullet point "I want my boyfriend to sleep-over" and then expect him not to want to discuss it right away? My understanding was that they'd set this appointment so far ahead because they weren't available for a long discussion any sooner. Otherwise, why not set the discussion appointment for the first available time?

Her help request was that she didn't know how to bring it up, knowing it was a sensitive topic for him. In my opinion, bringing it up as a talking point for a discussion days away is not the most compassionate way to introduce a sensitive topic. I still believe that it sets him up for a few days of anxiety, waiting for this discussion appointment.

I do understand your point about giving him time to think about it before hand. But there's the chance he'll take that time to become more and more opposed to the idea, without seeing it through her eyes. Not necessarily, of course.

It depends on how he processes things, whether he's generally open-minded, whether he's skilled at looking at issues from multiple points of view, whether he's generally an anxious vs laid-back person, if he processes things quickly or takes more time to think them out... Without more information on her husband in particular, it's impossible for either one of us to know which approach is better.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
Reply With Quote