You have given me a lot to think about. I respect you highly. I know that I am not going to be able to eradicate this person from my life- but I CAN and Will keep my distance and encourage him to tell his wife - I do have to say in his defense, we have only had sex once in four months, he's not just a horny dude! LOL. We both have conflicts about it. And I have examined many time how can I put my own needs over someone else's? That has seemed horrible to me, but hard to change.
Autmn - Allow was the wrong word. I am fully aware that I have to set my own boudaries and my husband is free to agree...or not. I do agree with WH that a life build on pleasure does not build character and keeps one a child, but again, it's not my place to pick whom my partner loves. It IS MY place not to have to clean everything, do childcare, and pay bills while my partner dances off with someone with no responsibilities.
THAT hmmmm is how the married guy and I connected, he also feels like he is the proactive one in that marriage (the adult?) and it's a burden we complain about together. But this has to be fixed between me and husband.