This is so helpful and I appreciate it so much, Jane. It's so helpful to know someone has tread over this ground before.
I guess I should have clarified that we didn't feel like the relationship was broken so we needed to add more people. A majority of the relationship was working phenomenally well and we saw (and still see) a long future with each other. But we are both afraid of monogamy and have found it crushing/limiting in the past. We thought we had reached a place where it was time for us to open up because in our discussions about opening up, we found ourselves emboldened to communicate more directly and courageously. We eased into it-- a couple months of talking before anything happened.
Also, you're spot on about this:
PS. You might want to look at your own feelings behind this statement in relation to the rest of your post:
Originally Posted by Eudora
He sees a woman in an open marriage about once a month, if that, and he seems pretty blase about it. She's gorgeous and sweet, but i'm not intimidated because she's not really R's type....
Because, really, why should you be intimidated even if she were exactly R's "type"? He would still love you for what makes you YOU.
I guess partially I see how much R has been hurt by feelings of inadequacy when he compares himself to H, who is very intellectual and more accomplished career-wise. Since I'm not going through something similar in my feelings about R's lady friend I feel a little guilty for putting R through something that I don't also have to endure... which is silly, I know, but I feel it. Guilt is something I return to again and again.
Thank you so much, Jane. Your wisdom is such a gift to me this morning.