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Old 10-21-2012, 12:08 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi there, Hades - always good to see you posting on this board! We don't get to hear from you often enough anymore!

Anyway... what I initially thought when I read your post is that, just because we are open to polyamory, does not automatically mean we MUST have multiple relationships all the time! Life ebbs and flows, and we don't need to prove to anyone, including ourselves, that we can have multiple partners. The important thing, after all, is the people you share yourself with and the quality of your interactions with them - not how many you can hook up with. There are many good and practical reasons to practice monogamy, even if you are very strongly disposed toward non-monogamy and would like to choose that for yourself as well -- but it's great to have the choice! And monogamy is just as good a choice to make as polyamory is, as long as it feels right for you. Your reasoning about it is a valid one because it is out of love and respect for your wife. Another reason might simply be time management and not wanting to spread oneself too thin, if there is a lot going on in one's life.

If you are comfy with the choice you made, then it is healthy and there is no need to defend it to anyone! Those who say you are denying a part of who you are for someone else, aren't in your shoes. Please don't feel bullied, put-down, "not poly enough" (whatever that might mean), or like you're missing out on anything, because you have a lot more than many folks have - a good, loving relationship with PLove that actually works! Plenty of people are poly and aren't in any relationships at all. The number doesn't matter. I say you are blessed!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-21-2012 at 12:11 AM.
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