Green mine. Because I think you mean
Anyways, just wondering if anyone else here is polyamorous at heart, monogamous in practice, and how you deal with it, how it feels, etc.
In my vocab use, I find it best sometimes to write it all the way out -- polyamorous, monoamorous, polygamous, monogamous. Otherwise abbreviations can mix conversation up.
A million years ago I was the hinge for a short time. It ended. Later I married BF1 and closed up -- we dealt with my health dx, buckled down to have baby, etc.
I don't feel like I am missing anything here -- he knew going in how I'm wired polyamorous and loves me as I am. He's not threatened or upset or anything. He's not sure if he's monoamorous but poly-friendly or polyamorous himself. The first page of my blog thread
covers some of my thoughts on mono-poly pairings. I don't know if any of that helps you.
It's been a long and happy marriage now about 20 yrs in for us. We talk about the next stages of life -- and consider Opening Up later on when the things of active parenting and eldercare clear up as time goes on. He's willing to go there.
A large part of that is that he knew going IN. It wasn't like I dated him promising exclusive. It isn't like we got married and I suddenly discovered my "polyness" and then had to come out to him either. It's been known all along. Knowing this side of me exists isn't "ripping his heart out." He enjoys watching me crush from afar and likes to yank my chain and tease in a friendly way. He listens to my polyamorous yammer, reads polyamorous things I send him to read. Shares his perspective and thoughts without feeling bothered or threatened. He's very calm in personality -- very solid, secure, had a good self esteem. I'm much more hot head than him -- but we work together well as a team.
It really hasn't been the time to date others -- we had serious life things going on. There is a time and place for everything, and everything at its time and place. It took 10 years to get my dx -- that was SO not the time in the midst of doctor parade to be adding new variables to juggle!
So I feel fine. I feel happy. I feel loved. I feel good. My need is to be understood and loved as I am. Not to have more than one lover at any given moment -- but to be understood and loved as a whole ME, warts and all. Not merely the "sanitized" me or the "acceptable" me. Being polyamorous is not a wart -- but it's still part of the whole package of Me-ness.
If I did not have that expression with my spouse -- I would wither. I can choose a monogamous run -- but if on that run my spouse is who I have for deep emotional intimacy talk things? And my spouse denies me that talking channel? Where then can I turn to? That's not giving me the right to support/nurture.
So I guess what I'm asking YOU is...
Well, if you are happy with your choice in general... How can the forum help support you? What do you need? What's missing? Are you NOT getting that talking channel to create deep emotional intimacy with your spouse? Not add another lover per se -- but add acknowledgement and acceptance of your you-ness?
You asked for feelings and stories so there's a bit of mine.