Originally Posted by playswellwithothers
I can't assess hijacky nature; too new here. But I'm grateful for what you have to say, BG. I think maybe my partner's wife DOES get first dibs. I am wondering if that can be okay with me.
Hmm... I probably do get first dibs too. I have made it clear that i require Spouse to take care of things around the house that require a second person ( such as division of labor when it comes to chores, or finances, errands, health/medical things, etc.) and that social/recreational things are subordinate to those. I would extend the same expectations to Other Partner, except they don't live together so i assume they wouldn't pay each other's bills. Also, Spouse and i are legally married and we depend on each other for certain things, such as health insurance and legal next-of-kin in emergencies. But we have been together for almost 13 years, and married for 10, so we obviously (well maybe not obvious to people reading this and have no clue about the difference between the persona a choose to project online and the person i am in real-life) we like each other and do things for each other without needing to be browbeaten into it or making it out like some sort of burden we must endure as the price to pay for enjoying the things we like about the other. But i digress. Next i wanted to add that Spouse has only been involved with Other for just under 8 months. So their relationship is still in the NRE stage (it's fun watching their nre progress. The beginning of the end of it has just begun. I can see signs of normalizing, and little things being taken for granted - in a good way of course). But you've been with your boyfriend for 6 years, you said? I should think that if you've been at it that long, and have good communication all around, then you are well within reason to expect yourself to merit similar priority to hers, depending on the details of the situation. This "i must always be first no matter what just so i feel like i'm first" doesn't seem necessary.