Thread: Hypocrisy
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Old 10-20-2012, 04:39 AM
SummerRain SummerRain is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
Default Hypocrisy

Hi all,
When I got married I informed husband to be that I didn't think I could be monogamos and he said "no worries". He loved the idea that we could date others. Rather surpisingly it was me who didn't date. I was content in my new life as a wife. Hubby wanted to date and we managed to set up some ground guidelines which have ebbed and flowed as we have learned how to negotiate polyamory.

I always knew that if I was to date someone it would likely be someone that I knew or had gotton to know outside of dating. For the last few years I have managed a seasonal store and "Sally" has come to visit. Sally is a straight guy who has adopted a female persona and though I would almost say is a crossdresser, she has informed me that she dresses in girls clothing all the time. She identifies herself as a lesbian. The lables mean nothing to me. I met Sally as Matt, but Matt has all but disappeared and Matt is now Sally 24/7. Are you with me so far?

Over the years I have gotton to know Sally and this past summer I knew that I wanted to go out on a date with her. Since waiting for her to ask me out just didn't seem like it was ever going to happen my husband casually suggested I ask her out. So, what for the first time in 8 years I did just that and much to my surprise and happiness she said yes. She seemed a bit nervous and wanted to know "where it was al going to go" and I kiddingly said, let's just get to know one another before we start planning a marriage.

Now, all this time I have been honest with Sally. I never hid that I was married or that I am poly. With the seasonal store closed and my life returning to a more normal state I emailed Sally and said "hey, let's get together." More than a week goes by and I receive no answer. I write another email, short and sweet to which still receives no answer so as a last ditch effort I write another email which basically asks if she was still interested in going out.

Her email comes back as "I don't condone poly relationships".

At this point I'm rather perplexed. Here is a man, who dresses like a girl, identifies as a girl, is into BDSM, switches from a top to a bottom, is into pony play and all sorts of other things and doesn't condone polyamory?


I'm sitting here trying to wrap my head around it. The hypocrisy makes me want to strangle someone. I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with Sally about acceptance and having people accept him/her for her kink and her lifestyle choices ... and she doesn't CONDONE polyamory?


Worse is, I never hid my marriage or my poly choice. I have been honest about it from the get go, so I'm rather surprised by her reply. And truth be told I'm very disappointed.

One of the reasons I don't really do a lot of dating is because I hate the rejection and so after eight years of being basically monogomos the first time out of the gate I'm literally shot down. I know I should have a thicker skin about it, but I am really bothered by it.

So there it is. My first never to happen polydate after eight years. Certainly not one for the memory books.

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