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Old 10-20-2012, 04:24 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30421

I'm not surprised per se, but I am a little disappointed that no one has yet responded to the thread linked above to say "wow, I feel the same way." Maybe they're about to come out of the woodwork any minute, who knows.

I feel like a bit of a freak sometimes for getting couple-crushes. I have this notion like my feelings are wrong and unevolved because I should know better than to maintain a way of thinking that enables so many problematic unicorn-hunting type situations to occur. But it's something I feel deeply, it moves me, it's my heart and soul and libido splayed out in words. And I think I have a reasonable, practical, realistic way of looking at it, I really do. None of which changes my visceral reactions and my desire to connect with somebody else over these feelings. :/

Something else that I wrote, in conjunction with the thread linked above, which I didn't include because I didn't want any potential discussion to get sidetracked by this issue:

I think the chillness of my attitude towards the realities of being a solo person hooking up with a couple is helped by the fact that I have a strong tendency towards submission with certain people, sexually and relationally. In fact, I'm fairly sure of it. Having integrated submissiveness into a healthy sense of self helps me remember that unequal is not the same as "less than," so there's no hit to my self-esteem when I reflect upon the fact that I'm involved in a situation with an inherent imbalance at its core. And, whereas it might be intensely uncomfortable or even painful to some, I actually *enjoy* the mental/emotional experience of being outnumbered, overwhelmed, of deferring to others... in a context where I'm being respected and cared for and am receiving the things I need in return, of course.

I'm not in any way trying to say that submissiveness is required to be an individual getting involved with both members of a couple, but I do think it makes it easier, at least for me and maybe for others as well. Certainly it's common enough for people to say, when pointing out the very real errors in thinking of unicorn-hunting couples, "it sounds like you're looking for a submissive."
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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