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Old 10-20-2012, 02:07 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Location: Seattle-ish
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Quote:
Originally Posted by begonias View Post
The problem is that he is scared to "have one vagina the rest of his life".
Is that your interpretation of his motivations or what he actually said? Or one of 12 reasons he gave for wanting to open the relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by begonias View Post
i would be jealous and uncomfortable with him sleeping around.
Two years ago he said he wasn't into promiscuous sex. So there is not a reason to think his goal is to be "sleeping around" is there? If it isn't, its more likely he might bond with another person/s closely, and I am guessing that would be just as hard on you as having random hookups from what you are saying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by begonias View Post
Do I try and make it work being monogamous and not trust him, or end it now before i just get hurt? I am so confused.
If you are willing to read and learn more and talk to him more about what and why he wants to do this (assuming it is more than just wanting multiple...vaginas) I would encourage that, but it sounds like you just have no interest at all. If you have a niggling doubt that it would be worth the pain and challenges you will face if you stay in the relationship, I would read about mono-poly relationships.

Is he being pushy to make you be OK with him being poly, or to figure out what you thinks so you can give him a firm yes or no so movement can happen in one direction or the other? If he wants a firm yes or no TODAY so he can go date NOW, I would end things TODAY. If he wants a firm yes or no so you can start the process of slowly talking about boundaries and what to expect, then you have some stuff to figure out.

It sucks that he wants to change the rules of the game on you, though admirable if he's actually come to you before acting (which isn't nearly common enough). However it sounds like you are a firm no, so if that is how you feel, I would be clear on that and allow the relationship to end. Now that the cat is out of the bag, even if he agrees to stay monogamous I imagine the subject will eat at both of you until the relationship crumbles from the stress.

That's just what I'd do in your place though, because I'd rather me and my partner be happy apart than miserable together.
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